Snow days

This is our second snow day in a week in southern Louisiana ... And another is tomorrow! 

Being locked up in the house, you get very munchie.  Today I tries to beat that with some whole grain crackers and fruits.  Did the trick pretty good! 

I also wanted to make a nice hearty warm supper, so early this morning I started. Lean pot roast with canard tomatoes, chopped celery, and about 6 very small potatoes... Like the bite size ones.  After 10 hours of cooking, that was delicious!! 

Tomorrow, I'll have to better prepare myself for wanting to be snacky! I have thins to rearrange for when we have showings and it's that time of the year again for taxes ... Need to get that all collected! 

Be safe, no matter where you are!! 

Day to Day Struggles

Everyday we all suffer from some kind of struggle.  Whether it be at work, eating healthy, road rage, or whatever!

Today, I have had a few struggles.  I don't normally have too many down days, but today is just one of those days.

I struggled with keeping my mouth silent to an incompetent person.  I struggled with understanding why if the doctor had not been in ALL day for Luis appointment, why NO ONE called us.  I was able to keep it together there.  Then had to go to another doctors office to see why the lab results where not sent to the doctors office we were just at.  The nurses there, accepted that they had not fulfilled their jobs and took care of everything.  Since they were not busy, I had a few questions that I had never been able to ask anyone before.  The particular nurse answered everything for me and even made an appointment for us to meet with Dr. Storment about a treatment plan.  I had to fix a small mistake that happen with the phones at the office, but luckily I was in the area, so that was not a big deal.

This is where struggles really are defined.  It's usually something very small that sets it off.  Today's struggle is infertility.  First I seen an article that a friend shared on Facebook about a woman in IN that sold her two children for sex .. the oldest was 2 and the youngest was 4 months.  She admitted to doing this several times with other men.  I struggle in the understanding of why she deserved to have one let alone two children that she could obviously care less about.  I struggle with understanding  why. Period.  Another friend made a post of a cute picture of a nursery full of newborns .. joking that with all the ice storms and snowstorms that 9 months from now is going to be pretty busy.  A few of that person's friends posted  "not us" but I posted "I hope us" .  I haven't had a day like this in a while.  I think I am just slightly overwhelmed and that is how it is coming out.

I had not made it "Facebook official" but I will announce it here, since it is obviously affecting my behavior.  Luis took a promotion and that will take us to Dallas, TX.  So we actually met with the Realtor today to put our current house for sale.  Once we get an offer for this house, we can start looking for another home in Dallas.  I had to tell my boss, and it really did break my heart to tell him.  We really make a great team, even if I do complain about him sometimes, that is what family does.  So I am in the process of hiring my replacement in hopes of training them before I leave in April.  I think the large amount of things I am dealing with has my brain down and making struggles easier to come by.

Struggles will pass as long as you stay positive and talk to someone!  I am already feeling better putting it in writing!

Eating healthy is easy.. if you make it.

I am getting a little out of order in my post, but I just had to make this happen today!

People in general think that Luis and I only have diet shakes all day long.  While on Take Shape For Life, you have 5 meals supplied by TSFL - including shakes, but there is TONS of other food options.  I cook one lean and green meal a day (while in weight loss).  We do not only eat salads.  I have always been able to cook, just now I have to think outside of my normal cooking recipes and methods.  Not a real hard thing to do once you do it for a little while.  Now that Luis and I are in "transition" we eat 2 snacks a day supplied by TSFL, but we have  a all wheat cereal with 4 oz of fruit for breakfast, lunch 4oz of meat and veggies, and then the same for supper.

We have pizza, stuffed mushrooms, stuffed peppers, steak, brasied cabbage, ect.  I could go on and on.  But recently at work, 2 coworkers said to me " OMG you are eating REAL food finally"  My reply was, what do you mean "real food"  I have always ate real food.  That particular day I had brought stuffed peppers from the night before.  Still confused, I asked again.  And they both replied that this "ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD"  so therefor was "real food".  I usually don't get too bothered with comments like this, but that day was an off day I suppose!  I explained to them both that it was not a typical fattening food that they would expect real food to be like.  These two particular people enjoy eating fast food everyday, so I have to show them.  Then I explained to them the recipe, and of course they say its gross.  Which it is not.

The key to losing weight and keeping it off is being accountable for what items you shovel into your mouth the entire day.  If you eat 3 mini candybars - you have already ate 3 times the amount of refined sugar you should eat.  That doesn't even count if you drink sodas or sweeten teas, or in their case fast food.

Bottom line, eating healthy is easy if you embrace it.  You have to use your mind and you cannot always get something healthy through a drive thru.  There are times you can splurge, but you cannot make a splurge into a splurge week, or a splurge month.  If you do that, you will end up having a splurge year.

Be accountable and accept your faults.  Then you will be stronger!

New Problems post weight loss ...

One problem I didn't think I would have too much of a problem with was  extra skin post weight loss.  At about 100lbs, I hadn't seen much extra skin besides the places I thought I would see them.  After the next 50lbs lost, it was really every where, and a lot.  Hygiene would be/have been a problem if I was the average person, but I have always been super clean.  

In October, I decided to see a plastic surgeon for a consult.  The office, staff, and consult videos were super out dated, to the point I almost done something I have never done before.  I almost walked out.  Luis talked me into staying thankfully he did, because the doctor and HIS nurse were completely awesome.  He estimated I had about 50lbs of extra skin and asked me how much more I was trying to lose.  After I told him and he seen my weigh in for that day, he said the most he wanted me to lose was 10lbs more.  I weighed 190 ... I was so confused.  Dr. Williams said that I went from one end of the spectrum to the next ... I would not have enough body fat to conceive.  I NEVER thought in a million years I would hear those words.  So he estimated at today's appointment, my actual weight post skin removal would be 140lbs.  Also stated that when I have the surgery completed, It would need to be done in 4 different surgeries.  We also talked about how the insurance company would not pay for the skin removal since I had not had a bariatric surgery preformed.  So, as I also had the same conversation with the insurance company, since I had done it on my own and in a healthy way vs having surgery - I would be penalized and have to pay out of pocket. Dr. Williams assured me that he would do everything in his power to make them pay for all of the actual skin removal and that I would only need to pay for the cosmetic portion.  Then I asked him the  most important question:  Should I have these surgeries completed before I have a baby.  His answer was no.  Have a baby first, then do surgery.  Dr. William and his wife had used Dr. Storment to have their last baby with.  His departing words out of consult room were:  "Stay strong, you have made it this far, things are going to happen"

After that consult, I had to figure out what I was going to do. Lose 10 more pounds or move to transition?  Luis and I talked about it for a while.  Luis was not ready to go to transition and we had the holidays and our "mini vacation" coming up.  My final decision was to keep losing, but I could cheat here and there to help level out the loss.

Our "mini vacation" was going to Hammond, IN for the festival celebrating the 30 year anniversary of the move "A Christmas Story" Then we would move on to Chicago for the evening and part of the next day.  If you area going to be in Chicago, you for sure need to have pizza.  So that was the plan.  Keep losing so I could have some Chicago style pizza.

Understanding yourself

After you have discovered the "new you" or as I like to say the Real You, you must then figure out how to deal with all this new information you have discovered.  I will elaborate:

One day I went to get my hair done ... like I always do.  I have been going to the same guy even since I have lived in Lafayette.  I got my usual done, I went to go write my check and tells me a different price, less that it has even been in the last 7 years.  I asked him if he was charging me for everything ... his reply I will never forget "your hair is easier to cut now that you have lost all that weight".  I was a little upset by this, because I was getting a fat surcharge?

One of the upsides of the real me, was shopping for  trip back home for my friend Amanda's wedding.  I was able to buy a shirt in a store I had never even been in before in the mall.  I never went there because the last 8 years of my life in Lafayette, I could only go to one store in the mall and find something to wear: Lane Bryant. The store was the Gap, I felt completely empowered that I could wear a large.  I just assumed I would need to get the XXL because its a "regular store" as the old me would have referred to it.  But to my surprise the XXL was like a tarp on me ... Luis went and got the Large and it fit perfectly.  I was even able to buy jeans there.  Being able to buy clothing in almost any store I go in, is both dangerous and exciting.  I actually like shopping now.  While I do not HATE Lane Bryant, I just never want to shop there for myself again.

My family, I think they take it the hardest.  Both Luis family and mine.  I think they have more of a problem with us making changes to our live than we do.  Snarky comments like "oh your not the fat sister anymore"  I was completely and utterly in shock when that was said to me.

I have a new voice too.  I have always been know as the outspoken loud girl.  I have no problems with that, but now that I have this new found confidence, I have become more outspoken.  Before, especially at work, I'd like some individuals walk all over me, at times.  One day, I went to work and just started calling them out on the things they were saying.  Granted - that made me enemy number one, but it cut down on the lies being told inter office.  It also helped me be more direct with all of our doctors we see for the fertility problems.  It is a delicate subject, but if you don't want to help then don't take us on as patients.

Its no secret, I like power and to have control of a situation.  So now that I am empowered, I almost feel unstoppable (to myself).

Finding the "Real You"

So today, I'd like to speak about the journey weight loss took me through to find the "real me" I know, it sounds cliche, but really it did happen.

Things that I thought really mattered, things that stressed me out, even things that made me happy, were just nothing when you broke it all down.  I used to be super stressed at work, trying to absorb all of my office problems, because I felt like I owed it to my doctor since he had hired me when I was over weight.  He gave me a chance when no one else in the industry would.  I would do anything to try to be the person that saved him from having a problematic day.  Then, there was times I would freak out about things that didn't go the way I had planned or even when things did happen at all.  I realized that those things were never ment to be if they didn't happen naturally and that in fact there are sometimes people just make mistakes.  All my life, I was raised with the importance of food being how you measured happiness, love, sadness, and guilt.  Which all things were completely unhealthy.  I do not blame my family for that crutch, because that is how they were raised - they were doing what they thought was best.  I am the one that took it to the next level and changed food to feelings.

That in itself was a revelation for me to discover.

I had just started fertility treatments in 2012, my grandmother's health was quickly declining and live 900 miles from her and my home town.  Most of my family understood that I could not return during her final days - and she had stated to me several times she did not want that.  Although I knew her wishes, some of my extended family had snide things to say behind my back, which hurt me.  Soon after my grandma's death in late March, my sister announces that she is pregnant.  I was still grieving the loss of the one woman on this earth that had accepted me for who I was no matter what condition I was in.  I felt like things were caving in.  Fertility treatments were not helping me to feel any relief either.  I was extremely sad, trying to hold it in, and on top of all of that - extremely jealous of my sister's pregnancy. My way to remedy that?  Food.  I baked things that reminded me of my grandma.  Blackberry cobblers, apple pies, lemon bars, mashed potatoes, fried chicken, chicken fried steak with white gravy and fried potatoes - you see where this is going.  I kept fighting those feelings with food and on top of all the physical changes with rapid weight gain and fertility treatments, that I felt like where not being properly monitored, had me all sorts of out of it.

As I completed the journal workings for Take Shape for Life in early 2013 - about May I started dealing with suppressed depression I had from my grandma death and the failed attempt to conceive.  After I was able to actually grieve both of those losses, I felt 100lbs lighter - lliterally.  When I looked in the mirror ... I actually seen a changed person.  Up until that point, I could not see me ... the new me.

Cliche or not .... weight loss helped me discover what was really important to me and how to actually deal with my emotions - not feeding my heart to fill it up.  Food is just my bodies fuel.

History leading to the present

I should have started this blog a year ago, but thought I wouldn't make it this far.  I thought the blog would be the mockery of my failure to yet another goal.

I'll start by introduction as if this was December 1, 2012, so that you will get the full effect.

December 1, 2012.

Tomorrow Luis and I go to meet with Dr. John Storment to talk about options for fertility treatments since one year of the pill version failed to work.  I am surprisingly nervous about all of this.

December 2, 2012.

Dr. Storment has literally made me so upset I can see red.  Makes me furious.  He told Luis and I that we are too fat to conceive a child.  On top of that, told Luis and I that he would not treat me unless I lost 150lbs.  He also told Luis to lose around 100lbs.  He refered me to this program called Take Shape for Life.  Dr. Storment said he has has many patients be very successful on this program.  Its all a diet ploy for me to waste money.  I did make an appointment to have a biopsy complete, and a dye test of my Fallopian tubes to make sure they are open and clear, that appointment is in a month.  I am going to try this plan and prove to him (Dr. Storment) that this is all crap.

December 11, 2012.

Today is the first day of Take Shape for Life.  Been pretty tough since its during the holidays and every single office in the world sends our office candy and sugary treats for Christmas.  Interesting that they send sugary treats to a dentist and his staff.

December 31, 2012

Today marks the 25lbs weight lost so far!  Its been challenging and I'm trying not to be so excited.  I have lost this much before.

So now to the present time ... present ish.  Around May of 2013 I had reached the 100lbs lost.  That was a major mile stone ...everyone was excited.  I bought new clothes for the first time.  I started out in a size 26/28 and when down to a 18/20.  That was completely amazing feeling.  But alas, I have lost 100lbs and I am still in the plus size section.  Although at the bottom but still here.  We went to visit Luis family in Puerto Rico and they were all amazed at my weightloss.  I am still trying not to celebrate it too much, I still have a ways to go.

November 1, 2013

This marks the month I have made it to my goal of 150lbs lost.  I have learned a lot about myself and others actually.  Who is actually my friend and how jealousy of accomplishment will hold people back from showing their happiness for you because of their own insecurities.  I will visit my family for Thanksgiving.  This will be the first time any of them will have seen me since I have lost 150lbs and had my braces removed.  I feel and look like a completely different person.

Thanksgiving week -  My dad calls me to see if we have made it into town yet, he wants to meet us at the holiday inn.  I go into the hotel to check in and visit with an old friend.  I walked outside to meet Luis and my dad.  My dad said "hi" to me like he was talking to a complete stranger.  I looked at him, and said Dad its me.  He literally started crying and kept saying you look so different, so good.  And most everyone's reactions were close to that.  Others chose to say nothing and move on like it was nothing and treated me like I had done something wrong.  I couldn't let that get me down or take away from Luis and I  goals.

Present day -

I am a Take Shape for Life Health Coach and have helped many friends reach their goals, including my best friend, my husband reach his goal of 120lbs lost (and counting).  Together we have lost as a couple almost 300lbs.  I never thought this would ever happen and especially not so fast.  Everyday we keep accomplishing small goals.

This picture was taken October 2012 at my sister Amber's baby shower:

And this is from November 2013 in Chicago