I had started an entry about a week ago and had to stop. Too painful. The something even worse happened last Saturday afternoon. Amy, one of the twins, called me in tears and tells me that Amber has been in a terrible accident and she is being flown to Mercy in Springfield. My heart literally stopped and I told Amy to remain calm and be there for Amber - Luis and I would be there as soon as we could. Luis and I frantically began ripping clothing out of the closet and shoving into our luggage. I text my neighbors and left our house. The entire drive Luis and I talked about random things to keep my mind off of things, but I still just kept thinking, god I hope she is alright, I hope she has no broken bones, and I hope she can still walk, most importantly I hope she lives. My dad called and said she had rolled her car several times, that witness said it was at least 6 times. I never said it aloud, but I thought to myself "my god, I hope she makes it" Most people do not roll their car 6 times and get to talk about it later. By the time nightfall came, my mom had called me and said she is conscious and they are going to be doing a CTScan on her to check for internal bleeding and her neck/spine. Luis and I were both relieved to know she was awake and able to get up for a CTScan. Then Angie facetimes us, and its Amber in a neckbrace, covered in blood, just sitting in the bed like nothing big had happened. When I seen that I knew things would be pretty OK no matter what her injuries were because she was in good spirits. By the time we were close to MO we got the word that she was being dismissed - and had no internal bleeding, neck and spine were good, and she would just be extremely sore and bruised. All I know, whether you believe in miracles or Angels, she experienced both of those phenomenons that afternoon. I know Grandma Joyce, Grandpa, and Uncle Jesse all save her during that wreck, and a miracle that she didn't have any sort of serious injuries. I was happy to have driven 6 hours and seen my sister laughing and talking like nothing happened after just being in a terrible accident. Thank God for that! It was a nice impromptu visit to see my family - but I never want it to be under those circumstances again.
My original post was going to be about our last doctor's visit. I had gotten too emotional when typing it and had to just shut the PC down. Luis and I found out a week ago that we will never have any biological children. It really sucks to actually hear and type those words out. We have talked and talked about it and how it would be okay. But there was always hope in there, it wasn't a for sure thing that would be happening. But to hear it and know it after all the progress we have made, it just sucks. We really both have an issue with people that do not deserve to have one child, let alone be pregnant. What did they do to deserve to be fertile, while a couple like us are paying the price. It seems like every lowlife, crackhead, or con is as fertile as they come. It just sucks. I am not going to say things are fine, they aren't at all. Luis and I both are very upset and struggling with depression.
I hate to say this, but at least my sisters accident helped me to not think about it for a while. I was prepared to spend a lot of time in MO if need be. While I don't want to quit my job, I would have to stay in MO to help take care of Julian with my sister got better, because my mom cannot afford to not work. I really do not want to talk about fertility anymore, so I will leave you with a few picture os Amber's car.
