Small Changes

After this past couple of weeks events, its made me really look deeper into my thought process and me in general.

After chatting with a patient, it made me remember something that our fertility doctor back in Louisiana told me.  A diet is only as good as the person that is doing it.  Which a year ago, I was in a way better place mentally and stress wise.  So that is why I was experiencing such great success.  Bottom line, I was a better person last year - to some extent.  I need to get my head wrapped back around positive thinkings, get things back on my standards, not just talk about it, do it.  No more excuses for what could have been, should have been, or any because of this blah blah.  I need to be accountable for myself and my actions, also help my clients with Take Shape for Life to feel the same as well.  I do not have any active clients right now, which is also making  me less accountable.  Usually we are accountable together - which helps and motivates everyone involved.

I have been making a bunch of small excuses here and there, well that is about to be all over today.  No more cheating.  I think the real thing I noticed is, while it is completely and utterly vain, I did not like the way I looked in the mirror whenever I caught a glimpse of my reflection while sitting my bench in front of my bed this AM.  This is the first time since post weight loss I have not liked how I looked.  Its mostly because I am bloated, because we have been "cheating" more than usual (mentally it helps cope with everything) but we are trying to get out of old habits once again.  Old habits are hard to knock - because they are comfortable. Comfortable is homey and feels good.  It is time to rock comforts world and get back to that new comfortable Luis and I created a year ago.  Its just finding it again.

I signed up for a 3 day pass at the gym in The Colony so that I could work out in the AM.  I am much more sedentary in my new job, so the weight loss is not as fast and that is just frustrating.  This go around, I would like to also try to tone more to see how much muscle I can build up vs just losing fat and possible some muscle.  What people most of the time do not understand is that while you are seeing pounds moving on the scale - there is both good and bad pounds to lose.  Good pounds is that pure fat, nasty storage fat.  The bad pounds to lose are muscle - you never want to lose muscle!  I think that in the past I have more than likely lost both fat and muscle.  This time around I'd like to avoid that.

I do know that with the holidays coming up and family coming to visit and us going to see family things are going to be progresses at a slow rate.  Let's face it, the people you love and hold the most dear in your life do not like that you have decided to make a change to be healthier, they do not understand it.  They will for sure not understand it now that fertility is not a factor of it.  I am just sick of being big and have been being big all of my life.  I just want to be where I feel comfortable in myself, my health, and my body.  I  need to find a new positive drive and get back on focus.  That started with me again seeing my self worth for who I am.  Sometimes, some really terrible events have to happen before you are ready to see that for what it is.  I am there now.