Good News?

I try to make on only one post per day, so yesterday whenever I received some good news from my friend back in MO, I wanted to update but held back.

There is multiple reasons why I wanted to update.  Some good and some bad.

She had called me a few weeks back and it was the weeks that we were staying late at the office for patients, and I just had never remembered to call her back. I seen that she was on facebook while I was getting all my tax documents together, since it is that time of year.  Whenever she replied that she had something to tell me, I already had an idea of what it was.  She calls me and she says she is pregnant.  She prefaced with she was almost sad to tell me the news, which to some would be disrespectful, but to me met that actually cared about my feelings.  I know its a troubled situation for her, but I am happy for her and I know she will be a great mother.  She waited 7 months to tell me.  She is truly a great friend, and even though we have not been close through out the bought with infertility, I still feel like she is literally one of my only family or friends that truly understands what I am going through mentally/emotionally.  Which is just amazing to me.

I am not going to lie and say that I remained super joyous after I hung up with her.  That would be a complete lie.  I literally walked into the office where Luis was sitting on the couch and curled up in his arms and just cried for a while.  All the cats came and sat by and on us while we just cried for a bit.  No words were spoken, or even needed to be said, just tears.  My friend had given me a little infant outfit back whenever we first started treatments, and I kept it in a hope trunk.  Well Sunday, with 2015 being my b*tch, I finally opened the hope trunk to face the outfit, and reached in and threw it in the trash.  I love my friend and I love her idea of being positive and not lose faith, but hey I also have to face reality as well.  That was my/our way of dealing with things.  Now I wish I would have saved it to send to my friend who is now having a baby.

Will things ever be the same with any of my friends, probably not.  All of us have moved in different directions of our lives, with different goals and aspirations.  I can still relate mostly to her, others I have lost the connection with.  There may never be another connection with other friends sadly.  Some of my own family that I was the closest to, I no longer have a connection with.  These types of situations happen all throughout adulthood.  Some people never really experience it, but Luis and I both have.  It is sometimes sad whenever you feel like you have no friends to call and chat with, but if we did, what would we talk about?  The past?  Its the past for a reason.  I have no need to keep reliving the past and pretending like I want to go back there.  While it was fun at the time, its really not that important now.

Sorry, I went into a rant sort of!  Ahhh adulthood ...... being an adult is sometimes very trying.