I have battled for a little over two weeks to post about this. I needed to clear myself mentally a bit, before I took to the blog.
On the 26th, I reached my boiling point with my situation at my full time employment. My last post talking about trust was directly related to this.
I advocate for people to stand up for themselves, be empowered, take charge of a situation, and just over all care for yourself health wise and mental health wise. Sadly, I was not practicing what I preach. After stepping back and not making it about me or my situation, and I inserted another person. What would I tell them to do? Gosh, it only took me 3 seconds to say, "I'm sorry, what do you feel you have done to have to deal with this level of disrespect?" So, with that epiphany discovered, I knew it was only a matter of time. I last 2 weeks, I really wanted to last at least a month, so that I could give proper notice (even though it was not deserved) and let them look for someone. My tactic of staying strong per say, was to fight back with the same attitude I was receiving on a daily basis. To my surprise, no one liked that. Interesting when the tables are turned, you have an issue with being treated the way you are treating me ....... hmm, think we might have small problem then? For about 2 weeks from the initial "talk" with said superior, I had talked to no one in the office except one other doctor and one other support staff, everyone else it was office related only and all else was ignored. I have no need to say good morning to someone I could care less if they have/had a good morning/weekend - whatever. So, I just didn't talk. One of the support staff that was involved in the situation kept at it with me, trying to befriend me. Now, I have a few issues with this overall. I had shared a lot with this group of individuals, which none of what I had shared would have led them to believe that I would be congenial with anyone after being crossed. You my dear are no exception, no matter what I have done with you outside of the office setting or what I have paid your fiance to complete at my house. Once you cross me, you are in my list of I could really care less for you and what happens to you. After several misinformed engages, which sounds better than me saying I ignored her ass, I think she went back to the superior, which was a trending issue apparently, and that's when things started to get intense - in their minds.
So, on the 26th, I was confronted almost immediately after getting to the location. I was told they were sick of my passive aggressive attitude. Oddly enough, I had not been passive at all, I had actually been pretty aggressive. I was given the choice to either be like my old self or to leave. Quite simply put, I chose to leave. I was left to think about what I wanted to do, even though my answer was immediate, for a total of 1.5 hours. This was a new tactic I hadn't seen yet, in public with patients and other witnesses, hmmmm changing it up. I was told the superior could learn to trust me again. I nearly thought I would pass out at the moment. I felt my chest get tight, my breathe cut short, and my face became burning hot with pure anger. "You can learn to trust me again?!?!?!" is all I could state without screaming at the top of my lungs. That was not the issue. I had done NOTHING to deserve to have lost any trust from anyone. I had been crossed by everyone there, they had lost all my trust and all my respect. Despite my good nature, it would never return. An attack on someone's integrity is not something that I can take lightly at all. So I was then left another 30 min duration in this room, which also was not in their favor. I just needed to get out fast. If I was corner more, attacked more, I was just unsure of what I would honestly do to defend myself.
I had already started removing my things back in November whenever the first incident of mental/verbal abuse had happened. I wanted to walk out that day, but my husband talked me into staying. I had never taken anything back to the office and was never going to as I knew that this was not going to be a long term relationship. So packing my things only took a matter of minutes, and I was able to put it all in a large envelope. I threw away my husband's potted plant that had died and I was trying nurse back to life, got my jar of pickles out of the refrigerator, and my lunch. Giving my keys back to the superiors, I was told they hated it ended this way and they would do anything to help me. I wanted to scream, you have done nothing to help me thus far, why would you start now. I was made the promise there would be no ill talk of me. I knew that would not be followed, so I just agreed and walked out. I didn't say by to either of the support staff and was completely liberated when I stepped into the elevator to leave. Over joyed I had actually took charge of my own situation and handled it the way I wanted and would have told someone else to handle it. I had taken my own life back again. To keep the mood up and going, I left there, did not sulk, but celebrated. I went at 10:00AM for a pedicure - I deserve that. Then after talking to my husband for a while at lunch time, he suggested to go have a massage, that I needed that after all the issues I had dealt with in the previous months. I did and I still to this day to not regret what I did.
Yesterday I did accept a full time job offer. I feel I have made the right decision, it was actually very hard to do. I had a wide arrangement of opportunities given to me even before I had made the decision to leave my soured situation. I had the time to weigh everything out and then move forward with an informed decision. I am at peace and excited to see where this opportunity takes me!
So I am happy to have this situation in my history and that's where it will stay, never to be revisited.
